Who says you can’t have it all, by having nothing?
Today, my coworkers and I went to a Sizzler-like-all-you-can-eat-buffet for lunch (who says Italians only eat sandwiches?) in a club that serves lunch during the day to business people (the area is very industrial).
As we were walking up to the club, I saw two big poster boards outside the entrance, with Costantino Vitagliano’s face on them. My coworker asked me what I thought of him, and I was like, I think he’s hideous, and I don’t like the Ceasar haircut anyway.
Lo and behold, inside, he was there, eating lunch, maybe making some “business plans” with his entourage. There were probably only about 20 people in the restaurant, and when we passed him, I noticed he hadn’t forgotten his eyeliner.
You may be asking me, who is this guy? Why is he famous?
The answer is really, nothing. He’s not really talented in anything, and has no reason to be famous other than he appeared on television. Hm, a similar American comparison…think Eric Nies (1st Real World, then “The Grind”, etc.) or…I can’t think of anyone. Most of the guys that are still around are actors.
And this is not to say Costantino isn’t an actor. This is: Costantino is NOT an actor. Although he had a film with fellow “good-looking guy” Daniele Interrante called “Troppi Belli” (Too Good Looking/Beautiful), which SUPRISINGLY, flopped – could it have been the title, lack of plot (“Costantino and Daniele are two friends which are very successful with girls. Their wish is to work in show business”), or the fact their “fictional” characters had their same names?….Nah. It isn’t for lack of trying that he’s not an actor.
But for now, it seems to be working a bit…I won’t link to his “biography”. SOMEONE likes him or he wouldn’t keep appearing on TV. Or maybe it’s Maria De Filippi which, for those of you who aren’t on the up-and-up in Italian TV, is married to one of the richest men in Italy, who happens to control a TV channel, and oh wait! She has her own TV show(s), several of them. This is where Costantino got his start. He often does guest appearances on her shows which really just require him to make banal comments.
A side note about Maria who, with her sea-bottom-drudging voice that scares hardened criminals, is another doozy. Husband twice her age, she has these shows where they stage reunions between family members and making up between fighting parties, etc., where everyone breaks down and cries. Then, immediately after the segment, she is dancing with a 20-something hunk, apparently to shake off her woes and remind us all that she’s alive and her husband isn’t on the set that night. But she’s another story.
I went looking for some pics of him because, as much as I don’t want to give him publicity, you have to see the guy to understand what I am talking about. His official website is down (too much traffic? snicker) but I found a link to his “calendar,” which was really disturbing. Especially December…
Every month gave me something new to make fun of!
- January – You have to admire a man who leaves the house without his clothing, but remembers the baby oil and the chain, and the baby oil, and the bracelet, and the ring. And the baby oil.
- February – This is his sensitive look. Plus, the gratuitous sand specks and water droplets to remind you that hey, he’s on a beach. See? Get it?
- March – Here is more evidence of said beach, though amazingly, he actually has less water droplets even if he’s submerged in the water itself!
- April Is this “I’m-taking-off-my-shirt-but-it’s-stuck-on-my-head” actually considered a good picture? I’d hate to see the rejects.
- May – This the humanitarian picture…he’s remembering the little people that helped him get to where he is, like his body waxer. Ick.
- June I don’t know how much bile I swallowed after viewing this one. But what stuck out at me were his feet. Sick!
- July – Change of scene…from the beach, to the bathroom, obvious choice for a sexy environment. Notice the running faucet.
- August – We’re back at the beach…this time, he’s slightly behind the rocks, to make him appear more sheltered, which is also why he’s cupping himself. Someone’s obviously taking a penalty kick.
- September – He gives low-life, I mean low-riders, a whole new meaning.
- He’s a little too fond of the tanning beds, as evidenced by his leathered stomach in October If you could carry the guy, he’d make a nice jacket.
- November – He’s loving the rock. Like he could love you. Nice watch, man.
- December – This is just wrong, in so many ways, in so many ANGLES, if you know what I mean. Too much information…and probably not all organic, either.